I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
