The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
