please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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