I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
