I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the day after is always just damage control
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
