Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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