that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
