I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
