so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
