I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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