I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
