That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
