This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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