i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
