Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
