you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
