if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
