That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
