come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
