I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
