Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
