I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
