The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
