When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
