I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
