what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
