Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
as a side note pls kill me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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