i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize