somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
