Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
