I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
