It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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