the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
