Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
