i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do vagina's smell?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
