Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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