24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sober January is a disaster.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
