so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
