i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
