i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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