last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize