i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
