i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i think my cat just said my name.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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