im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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