i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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