i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
