he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
