I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize