I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
