just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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