We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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