R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
