Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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