Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
