I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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