I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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