You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize