having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
