I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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