I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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