Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
