Duck Duck Cougar?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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