I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
