I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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