Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
