Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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