Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Welp...herpes.
she looked like the before picture.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
