i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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