Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
