Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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