he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
