well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
