hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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