I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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