I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
