Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
