I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Someone shattered a urinal.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
