Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
