Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
is it fun? or sober?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
