I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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