I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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