Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize