Soap is not a condiment
I've blown a few things in my day
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
