oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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