I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
