Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
