Yo dont text me then not text me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
