I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize