So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
