he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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