and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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